The Motivation Trap

When was the last time you surprised yourself, and did something you knew was impossible? Something everyone said you could never do, or that you were delusional for even thinking about?

Let’s call that something a dream, or a goal (those are very different, an important distinction we’ll explore here later). One that you’ve had ever since you can remember, or maybe a new one; an idea that sneaks into your head and distracts you while you’re supposed to be doing your important, responsible life things. One that seems so much more interesting than your actual life. Something that makes you forget that it’s time to go make supper, or to put the kids to bed. Makes you lose all track of time.

So you have a dream. A crazy idea. What could be crazier than the idea of a 66-year-old woman (me), sedentary all her life, climbing Yosemite’s El Capitan?! Or a new mom in a failing marriage with two tiny children, creating and conducting an orchestra?! (Also me) A wild idea! Something you know you can’t do, because you don’t know how. Or have no time. Or have too many obligations, too many people counting on you. Or it’s just too hard. Or the people in your life would think it’s silly, or stupid. Or it’s just not you.

I’ve used all of those excuses at one time or another in my life. And I’m here to let you in on a secret: no matter how wild that idea is that grabs your attention and just won’t let go, no matter how weird your friends might think it is, no matter how unsuited it might seem for you — you can make it happen. If you really want to.

That’s the kicker: you have to really, really want it. And that is the only inherent pre-requisite to making your dream a reality.

The rest can be learned.

But what you need to learn is probably not what you think right now.

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So you have a dream you can’t stop thinking about. You’ve always wanted to __. (Fill in that blank.) Learn to play the piano. Open your own business. Run a marathon. Maybe the dream just took root in your heart last year. Last month. You can’t stop thinking about it. Your heart longs to make it happen, someday….

But you don’t know how. So you turn to motivational books, hoping they’ll have the key. You listen to inspirational speakers talk about dreams and how inspiring they can be.

You’re wasting your time.

Here’s why:

If you have a dream, you’re already motivated!

All my life, I dreamed of someday conducting an orchestra. I didn’t need any ‘rah-rahs’ or inspiring words. I already knew I wanted it! Badly! Once the opportunity presented itself, I didn’t need to be ‘motivated’!

Motivation is inherent in a dream goal. Built in.

Motivational publishing, though, is a multi-million dollar industry. Like the pharmaceutical industry, who make us believe that we need a drug to fall asleep, another to control weight, another to feel better…. The motivational publishing industry wants us to believe that we need them in order to pursue a dream. In both industries, nothing could be further from the truth.

But there’s an alternative to this ‘motivational book syndrome’.

Advice in the digital age is plentiful. Scroll online, on Instagram, YouTube or any media, or pick up a motivational or inspirational book, and you’ll find lots of ways that will lead to success, they say. Mind training. Being ‘present.’ Thinking your way to success. Baby steps. Attitude. They all contain a modicum of truth. But most of them are incomplete or disorganized and will only set you up for frustration and failure.

You already have enough frustration in your life!

Maybe you’ve experienced this already. You bought new running shoes and headed out the door before work Monday morning to go running, to train for your first marathon! You’ve dreamed of running a marathon for years! But after a few days or weeks, your feet hurt too much. You’re always so hungry! You find it too hard to find time to go run…

If you try to chase a dream without the correct structure in place first, frustration will shut you down every time. That’s why our brand-new gear winds up on the closet floor, or our stationary bicycle becomes a clothes hanger. Why our running shoes become our running-to-the-store shoes.

Are you ready to get off that frustration treadmill? Ready to finally pursue your dream, in a way that consistently leads to success? To accomplishment?

If you search your internet browser for the path to your dream, you’ll find advice like this list of “8 Simple Ways to Succeed, from 8 Inspiring Leaders” (from the University of California at Irvine):

Be Passionate. And do what you love.

Work Hard. Don’t ever fool yourself—success comes from really hard work.

Be Good. And by that, I mean damn good.

Focus.

Push the Limits.

Serve.

Create Ideas.

Be Persistent.

All of those are excellent suggestions for personality development. But personality traits only pave the way for you to begin striving toward this crazy idea of yours. They can help get you ready. They can help create the type of personality for you to be, so that you’re open to new ideas and adventures, or goals — but they don’t tell you what to do.

Attitude and personality traits are important, since your personality and your character affect everything you do in life. But character alone — no matter how well refined — will not move you toward your goal.

So those are not steps toward success. They can help make you a better person, and can improve your interpersonal relations and understanding of yourself and your life. But when you set out on a journey toward a particular goal, you need discrete, clear steps to follow in order to reach that goal. A road map.

Think of your goal as a trip you want to take. A destination. Before you can start working toward any dream, you have to be absolutely clear about where you’re headed. Your dream goal is your destination in life (or one of them; you’re definitely not limited to just one!). That makes you a traveler, and as every traveler knows, if you don’t know exactly where you’re going, you won’t get there. Describing it (those “8 Ways to Succeed,” above) can help you imagine it, the way a postcard or a photo can help you picture where you’re going on your trip. But that won’t help you get there.

You need step-by-step instructions. A guide. A map. If you get on the wrong train or plane, you won’t get where you want to go. All the beautiful, confident personality traits in the world won’t help you, if you don’t know how to get where you’re going.

So when you search for a way to strive toward your goal, whether you look for information online, in books, on television, from live speakers, wherever your search takes you, your first choice is this: Do you want to know what kind of person to BE, or do you want to find out what to DO in order to make your dream happen?

I’m a hands-on kind of person. I learn best by doing stuff (kinesthetic learner). That’s how my method came about. Those ‘inspirational’ lists, like the one above, can help you understand yourself (how to be), but in order to move forward, you need a plan of what to do.

Come join me in my next Thoughtletter, here, to explore how to organize your road map and begin moving forward toward your dream. I’ll explain the all-important difference between a dream and a goal. If you don’t understand that difference, you probably won’t ever achieve your dream.

I’m here to help you get past that.

See you next time.

(If you don’t want to wait for the next Thoughtletter, you can explore it on your own in my book, Success in 7 Steps, at Amazon or Books.by.)

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